Struggling

I have to confess to struggling at the moment.

I’m self employed, and my husbands job takes him off travelling round the country for 3 or 4 nights a week most weeks. I made the decision that as I’m self employed I’d head off with him, rather than spending 4 days a week alone in the house pointlessly using gas and electricity. The problem is that it means 4 days a week living off of restaurant and takeaway meals, motorway service station lunches and often leaving somewhere late in the afternoon for a long drive to somewhere else, arriving at 8pm starving and in no mood for exercise and tracking down places to run.

When I’m in the zone things are easy. I plan ahead, buy healthy salads for lunch, prepare meals in a hotel room, or head off to one of the restaurants I know sell good balanced meals, confident in my will power to make good choices. I use Walk, Jog, Run to find nearby running routes and do workout DVDs in my hotel room.

When things start to slip and I’m tired or unorganised it’s far too easy to end up buying over priced 700 calories burgers or chocolate bars as a snack during a road trip, give in and order the steak and chips instead of the salad, or be tempted by the cakes at the till. It’s easy to decide to sit in the hotel bar instead of going for a run or stay in bed instead of exercising. The modern world makes eating badly, even if you don’t want to, far too easy, and frankly I often have more important things to think about and do than stress about finding somewhere that sells a dinner option that isn’t drenched in butter. I don’t think that’s a reason to give in and be fat and unhealthy, though, it’s the world that need to change, not me.

The truth is that the way I eat normally I find it fairly easy to maintain my weight, so with a couple of months serious effort I could easily be at my goal and stay there.

So why aren’t I?

I’m naturally lazy, and I turn to food for comfort when I’m tired or sad. I like to look for excuses to celebrate, and that involves food too.

I started running in May last year and by September I had lost a stone. Then I moved house, had no kitchen at home, had an anniversary and Christmas, and since then I’ve been gaining and losing the same few pounds over and over again. I’ve found it particularly hard to get back into a routine with food, and exercise alone isn’t enough to shift that last stone. I don’t feel happy with myself and my diet at the moment, and the less happy I feel the harder it is to get back into healthy habits.

Being overweight doesn’t make me happy. I don’t want to be skinny. Nor will I ever be. I enjoy good food and I enjoy a drink and I enjoy my life, but I need to remember that enjoying it doesn’t mean every day.

I don’t think I look bad. I’m happy with my curvy shape after years of wishing for slim hips, I’m fairly toned and I know that the number on the scales isn’t the be all and all, but I know I can be a better runner if I lost a bit more weight. I know my clothes would fit better and I know I’d find it easier to fit into the vintage I love. I also know that I’ve been a better, healthier, version of me before, and I’d like to be that woman again.

This is me in 2009, I was about 10 stone 4 lb. Still only just in the “healthy” BMI range, but I felt healthy and happy. I’m a stone heavier at the moment, though I’m more muscular than I was then, and I know that I could look and feel even better now than I did then as in the last 4 years I’ve gained a lot of confidence and discovered running.

As the weather warms up, the excuses are disappearing, and it’s time to really get a grip and get back on the wagon and lose those last few pounds. Sometimes a sharp shock and a change are the only way to go about things. So I’ve given in and downloaded Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred on iTunes so it can come with me on my travels.

I’ve also been reading a new book. The Diet Dropout’s Guide to Natural Weight Loss was sent to me for review, and I’m impressed with the theory behind it, whether I can transform it into positive action, considering my lifestyle, is another matter, but I’ll give it a more thorough review soon!

Operation “lose that stone so I can run a half marathon without knackering my knees, wear that very tight vintage frock and stop thinking about what I’m eating so much”

So,  Operation “lose that stone so I can run a half marathon without knackering my knees, wear that very tight vintage frock and stop thinking about what I’m eating so much” is a go.

Wish me luck.