Yeah I know, never say never, I mean just 2 years ago I’d have laughed in your face if you’d told me I’d be running a Half Marathon at all, let alone gearing up to start training for my second, and if you’d told me in April last year that I’d be spending a large portion of my money on Roller Skates and playing a team sport I’d have likely called a Doctor. Still, I do actually have some understanding of my personal motivations, and the way I work best. I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, I want to be strong, so I read health and fitness blogs and magazines, follow them on Facebook and take on board those tips that I think will help me in my goals. There are some things that pop up over and over again that I just can’t see ever happening in my life. If I’m doing any of these regularly by this time next year I will eat my own running shoes.

Getting up at 5am to workout

Oh yes, it’s lovely that the gym is so empty, that’s because all the sensible people are in bed. I’m sure it is easier to fit it in first thing and get it out of the way, but I am not a morning person. I will never be in the Gym at 5am because I will never be out of bed at 5am. Fortunately I’m self employed, if I have to work out in the morning I do it around 8:30am and just get started a bit later and work a bit later in the day. I’d rather be in the gym at midnight to fit in my workouts than get up at 5am. Stop being so smug, a 5am workout is no better for you than a 5pm work out. If you think you’ll be tired after a long day by 5pm then you can’t imagine how tired I would be if I got up at 5am, besides, does that mean you’re in bed by 9pm to get in your 8 hours sleep? Sleep is very important for recovery, I’m sure I read that somewhere.

30 Day Challenges

You’ve all seen them, they’re squats, or push ups, or some other repetitive body weight exercise and over 30 days they build up to the point where you’re spending half of your day doing squats.

No.

I would rather have a flabby bum than do the same exercise over and over again until I want to bash my brains out with a dumbell. I’ll split them up, do them in sections, but I’m not doing 150 squats all in one go for anyone, even if I get to watch Buffy while I do them. Besides, it doesn’t even work.

Substituting Foods

If you’re craving crisps, what you really want is the “crunch” try a carrot stick instead.

No, I want crisps. I’ll resist, or I’ll share a packet, or I’ll chose a small packet, or I’ll cut out something else I was going to eat later on in the day, but I won’t be expecting a carrot stick to fight off those cravings. Besides, why can’t I eat crisps occasionally? Life is about moderation after all, a small packet of crisps isn’t going to kill me or completely throw all my good intentions. If I’m craving them EVERY DAY, then there may be some underlying crisp issues I need to address, otherwise, pass me the Walkers.

I will, however, acknowledge that kale chips are really nice. But if it’s really a packet of Cheese & Onion I’m craving they probably still won’t hit the spot.

Under this section you can also add smug photos of barely visible slices of cake to prove how badly you eat really. JUST EAT THE CAKE.

Work Out Till I’m Sick

You’ve seen those “motivational” memes right?

Yeah, they can naff off, frankly. If I’m tired and my body needs a break, I’ll take it. I’m all for pushing myself to be better, but I really don’t think actual real *pain* is a thing I will be wandering around feeling smug about putting my body through. You only live once, if you have to skip a workout because there’s somewhere more interesting to be, so be it. Losing those memories might be the ones you regret. I might still be fat after 2 years of running, Roller Derby, swimming, yoga, plyometrics and whatever else I’ve been up to, but I have had a great 2 years stuffed with great memories and I don’t regret a single dinner, apart from the odd time I’ve had pizza and it’s made me feel crap, of course. Plus, when you’re that tired, that’s when you make mistakes, that’s when you trip up the kerb while running and knock out your front teeth, or lose your balance on track and break your ankle. Please, just have a sit down and a Mars Bar and then get up and try again.

However.

Now I’ve finished bitching about the smug gits that get up at 5am, work out till they’re sick, do 400 squats in a row while not paying attention and watching Eastenders then eat a lettuce leaf stuffed with tofu and raw chillis when what they were really craving was a fajita, I will admit that there are some habits of the smug and fit that I would really like to get better at.

Planning My Meals

I’ve been saying this for the past 2 years, and I do it for a bit, then time gets away from me, life gets complicated as I travel somewhere I don’t know, or I just really can’t be bothered to get up and cook this evenings nice meal as I zonk out in front of the TV after practice at 10pm and order a Chow Mein.

I know this works, I hate all the smug organised people who manage to do this every week, but I will get my head around it eventually. When I plan my meals I eat well, I shop well, and I feel virtuous, even when I’ve written “Fish & Chips” because they were PLANNED Fish & Chips, not lazy Fish & Chips.

The 80/20 Rule

The idea of the 80/20 rule is that you can eat well 80% of the time, and eat what you want 20% of the time, I’m maybe on 60/40 at the moment sadly, and it shows in the fact that I haven’t lost a single pound in about a year. I’m not THAT concerned with the number on the scale, but I am overweight, and I’d like to shift some, and I also know that I feel better when I eat better. It’s hard with my lifestyle that involves a lot of travelling, and sometimes the will power to order the McDonalds salad rather than a Big Mac just isn’t there after a long day, but that’s where the planning mentioned above comes in, and I am getting better at it all the time.

Consistent Cross Training

All the fit and dedicated people I follow seem to have consistent work out plan to work on all areas of their body, thus leaving them toned, bendy and fabulous. I, however, consistently do Roller Derby twice a week, run twice, but outside of that I’m sporadic. Sometimes I think “yay, I’ll do loads of plyometrics” which I do for a week then hurt my knee and give up, or I think “Oooh, I need to be more flexible, lets do Yoga” but there’s no consistent plan or goal to increase my power say, or my flexibility.

So yeah, that’s another one to do with planning and goals I need to work on. I think I see my flaws here.

Are there any health and fitness habits that make you want to scream? Or any you’d like to try?