Lipstick, Lettuce & Lycra

9 Reasons Why Spring Sucks

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by

Retro Chick
in

Hurrah, Spring is here!

The skies are blue, there are flowers everywhere, you can walk from the car to your house 5 steps away without needing to wrap up in a coat, hat, gloves and boots. Everything is wonderful!

Or is it.

Because too much relentless positivity can sometimes be a bad thing, today my inner Grinch is talking about the absolute worst things about Spring, that no one ever admits to. Lets face it, Spring sucks.

  • Unpredictable Weather

Ah, the sun is shining, it won’t be raining today! Lets pop out to the Post Office in just a lightweight coat!

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  • Dust

Because all winter I could convince myself the house was still sort of clean, and then that stupid sunshine started streaming through the windows and now I can see that actually I could write my name in some of the surfaces in my house. Where does it all come from?

  • The Big Tights Conundrum

Those easy to wear, hard to ladder, trusty black opaques got you through a whole winter, now all of a sudden the sun is out and they feel too heavy, especially when the shops start filling up with pastels. Going without isn’t an option, because, brrr. So it’s time to start the dance of the nude tights. I can never remember what brand I bought last year that was actually leg coloured rather than bright orange, so I have to start the hunt all over again, and then sheer tights ALWAYS ladder. I have black opaques that are so old they remember Cool Britannia, nude tights rarely make it past one wear, I don’t even know why they pretend they’re multi use. I do prefer stockings and a proper suspender belt, I actually find them more comfortable in regular wear, and way harder to ladder, they can’t, however, go under anything even slightly stretchy and form fitting, and they’re uncomfortable to travel in. Grrr.

  • Hayfever

No, I can’t say I do enjoy having red runny eyes, sneezing and that irritating scratching at the back of my throat. The minute the sun comes out I know it’s coming and soon I’ll be suffering.

  • Womens Magazines

What I hate about Women’s Magazines at this time of year is the implication that “OMG! SOON SOMEONE WILL SEE YOUR HIDEOUS FLABBY BODY IN A BIKINI! BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT FOR 2 MONTHS THEN YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT IT AND SIT ON THE COUCH TILL NEXT MARCH”. I really do want to eat well and work out, I do, but all year please, not just in a panic for 2 months in case someone sees how “disgusting” my flabby body is. Exercise is for life, not just for Easter. Plus, since we mentioned it, Easter comes with all the chocolate, so now is not a good time to be embarking on an all or nothing lettuce leaf and ice water diet.
Stop. Just Stop.

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  • 1/4 Year Shock

Even if you don’t make “resolutions” I bet you made some plans after New Year. I bet at some point you thought “This year I’ll…..” and now all of a sudden you realise the year is a quarter of the way through and you still haven’t sorted out your finances/fixed the garden gate/lost 2 stone/signed up for a Marathon. Life is getting away from you so fast. Where does the time go?

  • Institutional Heating

Large shops, schools and offices lack the flexibility or human input to allow their heating to be turned off that weekend when it’s 15 degrees and then turned on again when it snows on Monday. That means that for most of March and April you will find yourself alternately sweating like the proverbial pig while the sun beats down outside and the heaters blast out super heated air, or shivering in your stylish yet affordable boots because it’s Easter and the heating is off, despite the fact that there is a foot of snow outside.

  • Farewell to Stodge

No, it’s not warm enough yet for your “spring menu”. I still want my open fire, mulled wine, hot chocolate with whipped cream on it and a big bowl of stew with crusty bread. Salads and Sangria can wait till May.

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  • Birds

If I wanted to get up at 5am then I would set an alarm. Just because you’re all perky and spring like doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer. Especially if you’re one of those birds that hasn’t managed to learn its entire song and just squawks the same 3 note refrain over and over. They sit on my chimney and do it so I have to listen to them all day too.

I’m not this Grinchy really, you can’t help but have your spirits raised by the sight of a bit of blue sky, but life is about balance, so what do you hate most about Spring?

 featured image by Andrew McFarlane

Comments

39 responses to “9 Reasons Why Spring Sucks”

  1. Rubi avatar
    Rubi

    I am with you on the bird thing. Last week some little tweeter woke me up, I just opened my window and slammed it shut again so it would fly away. It’s a good thing I have strong windows!
    Rubi | The Den | http://www.the-den.blogspot.com

    1. Gemma avatar
      Gemma

      Ha ha! Good plan! I dont know why they have to get up so early!

  2. pippi hepburn avatar
    pippi hepburn

    Gemma, you are so funny, haha! Totally will miss my heavy tights with the holes in them that cover my scruffy winter feet. The fit women on magazine covers are scary, but it is a reminder to get moving before the sun is full out. I have been a cookie monster all winter. Hey, seasons change for a reason. Good luck to us all!

  3. pixieanna avatar
    pixieanna

    Nude tights are my bugbear! I’ve tried expensive, cheap and those in the middle and none of them can last more than two wears. I’ve even tried following my great aunt’s advice and donned gloves to prevent snagging. Yes, it stops snagging but doesn’t prolong wear.

    I wish I could go back to old fashioned silk stockings, they wore better.

    1. Gemma avatar
      Gemma

      Gloves is fine when you’re putting them on, but it’s always pulling them up again later I always stick my finger through them!

  4. Sandy avatar
    Sandy

    I agree with everything!! LOL!

  5. Jules avatar
    Jules

    This stinking cold 🙁

    1. Gemma avatar
      Gemma

      Get well soon!

  6. Jessica avatar
    Jessica

    All that dust is your dead skin cells. Just wanted to share that bit. 😉

    1. Gemma avatar
      Gemma

      Some of it is, but I can’t possibly shed that much! We have an open fire and I think that creates a lot of dust, also having bare floorboards means that the dust doesn’t get hidden in the carpet!

  7. Lucy Hill avatar
    Lucy Hill

    Oh yes-all of the above! And the post winter lurking lurgy viruses that always seem to hit just before the schools break up for Easter (even with our two not being *at* school/college any more, we have still managed to be passed on secondhand flu virus from the parent of school aged snifflers). And the whole “can’t quite get away with knee boots, so I’ll have to shave my hairy legs, FFS!” thing. And all the really good new telly/new series have been and gone between October and March. Also, bus/tube/train journeys with damp, rained upon, sweaty people. *vom*

  8. Leo Sigh avatar
    Leo Sigh

    Be thankful you have spring 🙂 We just went from hot to hottest here in Bangkok. Currently 95 degrees at 9am. I’d take the British spring any day of the week – floating dust and all 🙂 Lovely blog, btw.

  9. Mim McDonald (@crinolinerobot) avatar
    Mim McDonald (@crinolinerobot)

    I’m completely with you on the sheer tights. I’ve decided it’s not worth buying pricy ones as they last no longer than the cheap ones! I’m just going to pretend they’re sisposable, then if they last more than one wear it’s a bonus.

    I really love Spring and early summer, though. It’s my time of year. I’ve already started making Asian salads.

    1. Gemma avatar
      Gemma

      I prefer early summer, like from May to June and late summer/early autumn.
      Though I don’t actually *hate* spring I was just in the mood to be contrary!

  10. Maja Ćorić avatar
    Maja Ćorić

    Ah!
    Finnaly – someone’s on the same page with me when it comes to public heating! Dreadful thing! Once they say “it’s been enought” – you’re prone to freeze over here.
    You see, SOME genious over here has made a decision: if the temperature rises up to 12 degrees Celsious for 3 days in a roll – off it goes, no more heating.
    12 degrees Celsious is not WARM enought for me to sit all day and type.

    Gosh.. I bored you.

    Marija

  11. thepigfoot avatar
    thepigfoot

    Ugh 1/4 year shock is the worst!

    http://thepigfoot.com